


Like Real People Do

by fujisaki_chii



Category: Persona 3, Persona Series
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, First Time, M/M, New Years Eve Spoilers, Oral Sex, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 04:52:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14229678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fujisaki_chii/pseuds/fujisaki_chii
Summary: It was catastrophic, really.  The concept of falling in love with the very thing fated to destroy you.  No poem or mythos in the world could compare.





	Like Real People Do

**Author's Note:**

> _"I will not ask you where you came from_  
>  I will not ask you, neither should you,  
> Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips  
> We should just kiss like real people do."

New Years Eve.

The world may as well have already been over. At least, that’s how it felt.

”Have you made your decision?” Ryoji was sitting on his bed. If the tension in the room weren’t peaking at catastrophic levels, this would have felt normal. Natural, even. Just like any other day after school or evening after a day at work. But this was not normal. And this wasn’t any other day.

”I can’t.” Minato took his hands out of his pockets, letting them hug at his shoulders, like he was gripping for some sort of support that wasn’t there. A shell of a hug that was meant to comfort, but only reminded him that there was no way any comfort in the world could calm his heart pounding in his chest. “You know I can’t.”

Ryoji gave a sad smile, the pity in his eyes unmistakable. It made Minato want to smash his face in and collapse in his arms in equal measures. He didn’t want pity, he wanted everything to be how they were before he had bonded with who would become his albatross. “And there’s no way I can get you to change your mind?”

Minato was silent but shook his head.

”But I’m going to disappear anyway,” Ryoji tried to reason, hands fiddling with the edge of his scarf. For someone who was indeed not human, he sure had the nuances of one. The look of one. The touch and smile of one. “There will be no pain. Not for any of us. I want you to understand that by killing me you will be able to live worry free.”

”No.” That was a lie. There would be pain. Immeasurable amounts of it, even if it only lasted for a moment. Only in the moments that it took to end things. But that kind of pain was unimaginable.

Ryoji sighed and stood from his spot, blue eyes shimmering in the moonlight that shone in from the slotted blinds. “Then I guess that’s that. I do not agree with your decision, but I know I can’t change your mind. I suppose we should head back down to the lounge and let your teammates know that you’ve made your decision.” That pity was back in his gaze again and he was walking past Minato, toward the door, out of his life, out of the _only_ moment they had left together, and--

This couldn’t be it.

Minato moved back toward his door, standing in the entrance to effectively block the other boys’ path. Ryoji blinked, confused, and his face melted into that smile again. The one that made Minato’s pulse skyrocket unlike anything he had ever felt before. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand,” Ryoji admitted, “You’ve made your choice. Did you have something else you wanted to say?”

 _Yes. Too much than can be said before midnight._ Minato cast his gaze to the floor, scuffed his shoe against the carpet. What was he going to say? How could he say it? Even moments spent in stagnant silence was better than Ryoji walking out of his life forever-- or at least, the one he knew-- and now it all came down to this, but still his mouth wouldn’t move. All the words he wanted to say were stuck, jumbled up in his throat like needles, scratching and piercing but unable to escape. The room felt too hot, his fingertips were turning to static. He wanted this to end, couldn’t bear the thought of what tomorrow, an hour from now, even five minutes from now was going to feel like.

”Minato.” Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder, and Minato locked eyes with Death himself, and he realized he didn’t fear that gaze.

It was a mistake. It really was. All of this was a grand, cosmic-level fluke that left Minato Arisato celebrating his New Years Eve kiss a few hours too early with the being that was going to destroy the world. It was catastrophic, really. The concept of falling in love with the very thing fated to destroy you. No poem or mythos in the world could compare. But Ryoji’s lips were so soft, so inexplicably warm like Minato imagined they would be, so _real_ and so _solid_ that for a moment he could pretend they were like any other normal teenage lovebirds. Just like in the movies, in the stupid television dramas that he had heard people talk about in the hallways. There was no Dark Hour. There was no deceit, no fate, no hindrance. Just two boys in charge of their own destinies, like their very souls weren’t destined to destroy each other. It was peaceful, and everything felt quiet.

Ryoji pulled away from the kiss, expression clouded with something unidentifiable. He was close enough still that Minato could press their lips together again, but he simply waited, looked into the other boy’s eyes like an artist would look into a painting. Searching for something, _anything._

 _”Do you understand what you’re doing?”_ He could read it in his face, the furrow of his brows, the way he bit his lip like a nervous tic.

 _”I don’t care.”_ Minato hoped he understood. Could read his expression like he could read his. That he wouldn’t have to say the words aloud because the strain of having to say anything right now would make his resolve crumble, make him step aside and let Ryoji leave without turning back.

”You certainly are mysterious. A puzzle to the very end,” Ryoji muttered, bringing the hand from Minato’s shoulder to gently run his fingers down his jaw, stopping to gently tuck his thumb under Minato’s chin, tilting his face up to level with his own. “I wish I had been able to solve that puzzle sooner.”

Ryoji closed the gap between them yet again, and Minato could finally understand why Eve took a bite of the forbidden fruit. It was divine, Ryoji’s lips soft as velvet and as sweet as syrup-- intoxicating. Minato twisted his hands into the other boy’s shirt, pulling as close as their bodies would allow, flush against each other with Minato’s back hitting the door. Ryoji’s tongue swiped the seam of his lips, asking for entrance, and with a gasp Minato let him in. Idly, Minato wondered if it could be like this forever. Simply exist in this moment for all eternity, with the warmth of the other boy pressed against his skin like a brand. Heaven and Hell be damned, this was the ultimate purgatory.

Ryoji’s hands moved gently down to Minato’s sides, gently massaging the area just above his hips, like his fingertips wanted to memorize the feeling there. Ryoji broke their kiss to breathe, hot breath on Minato’s lips, and the fire quelling in the shorter boy’s stomach wouldn’t stop, flames licking in his belly like a bonfire. Boldly, he pressed a hand to Ryoji’s chest, drawing it lower, the smooth buttons on his shirt gliding beneath his fingers, down to his belt and further, to his inner thigh. Ryoji’s breath hitched despite himself, and he shivered.

”Why?” Ryoji asked.

”Why not?”

 _”We’re doomed, anyway,”_ remained unspoken.

Ryoji was quick to pick the smaller boy up, grabbing under his thighs so Minato could wrap his wiry legs around him. He pressed their lips back together again for a kiss, something languid that left Minato woozy in the other boy’s arms. Minato hadn’t even realized they had made their way over to his bed until his back hit the comforter. Ryoji shed his scarf unceremoniously, letting it fall to the floor behind him. He looked ethereal in the dim lighting, like some sort of angel. _How ironic._

”Are you sure you want to do this?”

”Yes. _Please.”_

There was no mistaking the hunger in Ryoji’s eyes at that, and soon he was climbing over Minato on the bed, looking down at him with that soft smile and those bright eyes that gave Minato chills whenever he looked directly into them.

”I’ll admit, I’ve never done this before,” Ryoji sounded sheepish, “I know the… General idea, but a lot of it is still quite foreign to me.” Minato could feel his face flush despite himself, as he was in a similar situation.

”It’s hard to do with clothes,” Minato shrugged, reaching for the buttons on Ryoji’s shirt and beginning to unfasten them from the top down. His hands shook, and when it became too difficult for him to undo the buttons, Ryoji took both of his trembling hands in his own and pressed a kiss to each knuckle. It made Minato melt below him, yearning to know what his lips would feel like on the rest of his body. Ryoji began unfastening his own shirt, shrugging off the suspenders and button-up and letting it join his scarf on the floor. Confidently, with steady hands, Ryoji set to work on Minato’s own shirt.

”Wait--” Minato stopped his hands before they got too far down, anxiety suddenly hitting him full-force at the idea of Ryoji seeing him in only his binder. Even with the cover, something about it was too invasive.

”Minato, you know I don’t care about that--”

”I know,” he interjected quickly, a little too brusquely. “This is for me.” Minato stood up off the bed on shaky legs, moving to his dresser and grabbing a random t-shirt from his drawer. He unbuttoned the rest of his shirt and took it off. He quickly shimmied out of his binder, throwing on the loose t-shirt as quickly as possible. When he turned back around, Ryoji had his hands over his eyes.

”Can I look yet?” Minato couldn’t help but smile a bit at that, walking to take Ryoji’s hands in his own like he had earlier, kissing each palm. Ryoji pulled a hand away to move to Minato’s pants button, looking up at the other boy for approval. When it was granted with a nod, the taller boy popped the button and unzipped it, leaving Minato to kick his pants off while he worked on his own. It was a little awkward between the two of them, but it did nothing to diminish the obvious heat between them. Ryoji was already straining against his boxers, and Minato couldn’t help but feel a stab of jealousy at remembering what exactly he lacked.

Minato sat down next to the other boy, self-consciously crossing his legs. Ryoji reached out and touched his thigh, rubbing little soothing circles in the skin there.

”Don’t worry,” he reassured, scooting closer and nuzzling into the other boy’s neck, pressing a wet kiss right at the juncture where his neck met his shoulder. “You’re beautiful, Minato. I’ve never met anyone as lovely as you.”

Minato flushed at the praise, letting his body relax as Ryoji melted into him, worrying the skin of his neck and allowing his hand to wander across the flat plane of Minato’s stomach. The lean muscle that had formed there from fierce training and harsh battles was firm under Ryoji’s touch, tensing as Ryoji moved his way up.

”Can I keep going?” Ryoji kissed below his ear, fingers toying with the hem of Minato’s shirt.

”You can… i just don’t… You know,” Minato was embarrassed at his own self-consciousness, but Ryoji simply hummed and let his fingers trail up further, skimming the soft skin of the boy’s torso. It made every nerve in Minato’s body tingle and he groaned out despite himself.

Ryoji’s hand cupped at one of his breasts and Minato bit back a moan, surprised at his own sensitivity there. It never did anything for him when he was all alone. The taller boy experimentally rolled Minato’s nipple between his thumb and forefinger, sending a jolt of pleasure up the boy’s spine.

”Good?”

 _”Yes.”_ Minato arched up into the boy’s touch, as if begging him to continue. And so he did. Ryoji latched onto Minato’s collarbone and sucked on the fragile skin there, definitely hard enough to leave a bruise. Minato could feel that familiar heat pooling between his legs, thighs rubbing together to try and relieve some of the much-needed friction. It didn’t last for too long; before he knew it, Ryoji had his free hand spreading the other boy’s legs apart, caressing along his inner thigh, so, _so_ close to where he wanted him.

”May I touch you here?” His voice was earnest, but sultry in a way that made Minato groan and nod, opening his legs a little wider so Ryoji could slot himself between them. Finally, he let his fingers wander to the area between his thighs, the wet patch where his arousal was apparent darkening the front of his boxers.

”You’re so wet, darling,” Ryoji murmured, his fingers experimentally rubbing little circles on the spot. It felt lewd to hear, and Minato couldn’t bite back his moan and when he touched him that way. Ryoji was blindly searching for whatever he was trying to find, and it suddenly occurred to Minato that he might not even know what he’s looking for. But for now, the soft movement of his fingers felt good, so Minato allowed him to continue his exploration.

”The more I think about this situation, the more I have to laugh,” Ryoji giggled softly, as if to emphasize his point, “I’m practically a God. I shouldn’t care about humans like this.” He pressed his forehead to Minato’s, lips only inches away. “So fickle and fragile, none of them should matter. But I suppose there are exceptions to every rule.” He pressed a chaste kiss to Minato’s lips, letting his movements increase just a little in pressure. Minato sighed in pleasure, hands coming up to wrap around the other boy’s shoulders. “I’m glad I get to experience this with you.” Ryoji sounded sincere, though the impending sorrow that this will never happen again weighed heavily on Minato’s shoulders. He couldn’t allow it to get to him right now.

Minato grabbed Ryoji’s wrist, stopping his ministrations on his lower half. Wordlessly, Minato peeled his boxers off of him and left himself bare in front of the other boy, spreading his legs with only a minimal amount of mortification that for whatever reason, Ryoji wouldn’t like what he saw.

Ryoji let his hand return to where it was, gently tracing the area of Minato’s outer thighs and making him shiver. His fingers combed through the neatly-trimmed patch of dark hair, moving lower, hovering over his destination as though he wasn’t exactly sure where to start.

”Um, here,” Minato sheepishly parted his lips with his fingers, exposing his swollen clit. “Just… Touch there.” Ryoji looked awestruck and slightly intimidated-- a first for him, as far as Minato was aware-- but did exactly as Minato said. His fingers moved a little too bluntly, with just a little too much pressure. Minato winced, squirming to try and adjust to a position where this could feel good.

”I’m sorry,” Ryoji finally conceded, “I don’t exactly have practice with this… But I know about something else that might work. May I try?” Minato wasn’t sure what he was getting at, but nodded and let his head fall back against the comforter. He wasn’t at all prepared for Ryoji’s hot tongue swiping a long, steady stroke on his clit. 

_”Ah!”_ Minato cried out, immediately biting his lip to stifle himself. Ryoji’s hot breath ghosted against him, tongue swirling around the sensitive bud with an unbelievable amount of finesse.

”Okay?” Ryoji drew away for a moment to ask, to which Minato responded by burying a hand in his hair, hips bucking to try and chase that heat again. Ryoji chuckled but went back to work, lapping at the silky folds of the other boy, drinking in the taste and feeling of soft skin underneath his tongue. Minato gripped his hair harder, rolling his hips up into the other boy’s mouth. A coil was tightening in his stomach, spurred on by every swipe of Ryoji’s tongue, every messy, wet sound that filled that stagnant air. Ryoji had always been elegant with his words, but Minato decided that flirting wasn’t the only good thing that his tongue could do.

Ryoji allowed his tongue to venture lower, parting Minato’s folds and fucking his tongue into his entrance, chasing that taste, the sound of Minato coming apart above him that had suddenly become an addiction. He wanted to make him moan for him, make him come undone, make him bear himself completely before they became strangers-- enemies-- again. Minato whined above him, bucking his hips with more vigor, Ryoji taking pride in the fact that he was the one to make him lose his usual stony composure. Experimentally, Ryoji moved to suck at his clit again and brought up a finger the circle his entrance.

”Please,” Minato whined out above him, and that was all the convincing Ryoji needed. He slowly pushed his finger into the tight heat of the other boy’s body, Minato’s toes curling in the sheets as the digit penetrated him. Ryoji pumped his long finger into him, reaching further than Minato had managed on his own. Even with just one finger Minato was close, so close to what he needed.

”More,” Minato demanded, hold tightening in the other boy’s hair as he pulled out the first finger, only to have two of his dexterous fingers push into him again. It still wasn’t as much as Minato was used to for himself, but his grip on Ryoji’s hair tightened and he could feel the other boy groan against him. His tongue was still working hard and fast at his clit, fingers pumping steadily into him while Minato all but ground into his mouth. .

 _”Ryoji--”_ Minato was embarrassed at how debauched he sounded with the other boy’s name on his lips, but suddenly Ryoji was pushing in another finger and that stretch was enough for Minato’s voice to break, whining with the pressure of it all. His orgasm blindsided him, Minato’s toes curling into the mattress and his thighs quivering as white-hot pleasure shot through him from head to toe, not even bothering to stifle his breathy moans. He prayed that none of the others heard it downstairs.

Once Minato came down from his high, Ryoji pulled his fingers out of him with a wet sound that made Minato wince at the lewdness of it. The other boy brought his fingers up to his lips, licking them clean before wiping his mouth with the back of his hands. _Holy shit._

”You taste good,” Ryoji responded simply, but his embarrassed smile and flushed cheeks didn’t go unnoticed, a pang of affection made Minato’s heart stutter, beating wildly in his chest.

Without another word, Minato sat up from the mattress and pulled Ryoji in for a kiss, tasting a bit of himself on the other boy’s lips. He groaned, the sparks of arousal already reappearing in his abdomen. _Bless those teenage hormones._ Minato was trying hard not to overthink the situation as his hand made its way down Ryoji’s chest, past his navel to palm at him through his boxers. Ryoji’s breath hitched under Minato’s ministrations, bucking up into the touch.

”I want you,” Minato said shyly, burying his face into Ryoji’s shoulder as he reached past Ryoji’s waistband, taking him in his hand. Ryoji gasped, shuddering and bringing his hands up to wrap around Minato’s shoulders.

”Are you certain?” Ryoji asked, hot breath ghosting over his ear.

”Yes.” Minato could feel his face burning, stroking the other boy with featherlight touches. Ryoji groaned, bucking up into the touch, his grip on Minato tightening. “I want everything I can get.”

Ryoji pulled back from him, sweaty bangs sticking messily to his forehead. His eyes were blown with lust, red dusting all the way down to his chest. He looked human. Real flesh and blood. And without another word, he brought Minato in for another kiss. It was messy, littered with lips and tongue and teeth and mingled, panting breaths. Their inexperience was blatant, but they made up for it with enthusiasm. Ryoji lifted the other boy up yet again, bringing him to straddle his lap. Minato pulled his hand out of the other boys’ boxers and wrapped them around his neck, fingers curling in the thick, dark hair. Ryoji groaned at the tug, bucking up and grinding against the boy sitting in his lap.

 _”God,”_ Minato gasped, feeling the harsh outline of Ryoji’s cock rub between his legs, desperately grinding down to gain more contact. His sudden need for him hit him like a train, writhing in the other boys’ lap until the front of Ryoji’s boxers were soaked with the both of them.

Ryoji pulled away, using a sudden show of strength to flip them both, laying Minato down on the bed below him. His midnight hair fanned out like a halo around his head, illuminated by the thin stream of moonlight casting in through the window. He looked truly heavenly, and Ryoji couldn’t stop the slight tremor in his hands as he removed his boxers. In an act of bravery, Minato pulled up on the fabric of his own shirt, pulling it over his head and tossing it onto the floor somewhere, leaving the both of them completely bare to each other. Ryoji looked down at him, shocked, but Minato simply gave a shy smile. _It’s okay. I’m comfortable with this. I’m comfortable with you._ Minato scanned the boy’s body, eyes alight with more than just lust. It was deeper than that; not just a want, but a _need._ A glimmer of something abundant and warm. It set Ryoji’s blood on fire in his veins, to be looked upon that way. That was reserved for somebody special; the way that he looked at Minato, not the other way around. The reality of the situation was crashing like waves on a stormy shore and Ryoji paused to take a shuddering breath, reaching out and cupping Minato’s face in his hand. Minato melted into the touch, humming a content sigh at the contact. It made Ryoji’s heart ache more genuinely than it ever had before.

”Why are you so beautiful?” Ryoji whispered it mostly to himself, but the other boy shied away at the praise, letting his cheek bury into the pillow below him. Ryoji smiled a little at that and tilted his face back to face him, pulling him in for a tender kiss. Ryoji gently parted the other boys’ legs, moving between them and taking himself in his hand, lining up with the other boy’s entrance.

”Have you done this before?” Ryoji asked. Minato shivered under the pressure of Ryoji’s cock gently nudging at his folds, shaking his head. Ryoji chuckled a little awkwardly, using his free hand to brace himself on Minato’s hip. “Then I’m honored to share this experience with you. Please tell me if it doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to hurt you.”

With that the other boy breached him, Minato's body growing taut in retaliation. The pressure wasn't bad, but unfamiliar. He willed himself to relax, trying hard to focus on the proximity of the other boy, the warmth of his skin pressed again him.

”Are you alright?” Ryoji stopped his movement, obviously sensing the tension building in the other boy’s body.

”Is it in?” Minato asked, embarrassed.

”Ah, no,” Ryoji chuckled, “You’re about halfway there.”

 _Halfway?_ Minato sat up on his elbows, looking to where the two were connected. Ryoji was right, much to his chagrin.

”Is it too much? Do you want me to stop--”

 _”No,”_ Minato interrupted, his grip on Ryoji’s shoulders tightening, “It’s okay. It’s… Weird.”

Ryoji smiled in understanding and pressed a kiss to his forehead, bringing the hand that wasn’t bracing himself on the bed to run up and down Minato’s side. Slower than before, Ryoji continued, nuzzling into Minato’s neck. Minato’s pulse was hammering under his skin, accompanied by the rather harsh rise and fall of his chest. His nerves were obviously high, body thrumming with nervous energy beneath him.

”Breathe,” Ryoji muttered, “It’s okay. I’ve got you.” Minato took in a deep, shaky breath, exhaling slowly as Ryoji continued, pressing into the other boy until his hips were flat against the boy’s thighs. “That’s it,” Ryoji hummed, littering kisses along the other boy’s face-- his forehead, down to his temples, one for each eyelid and down to his jaw-- as he let Minato adjust.

The pressure was still strange, but the feeling of being _full_ and having Ryoji flush against him, lips softly mapping out his face had warmth spreading through Minato like a furnace, embers stoking under his skin at the simple image, the simple thought of him and Ryoji being connected this way. It was better than any wet dream or late-night lonely fantasy, and Minato didn’t intend to waste it. Experimentally, he rocked up against the other boy, earning him a breathy gasp just next to his ear. Minato wrapped his arms around Ryoji, his fingers grasping around his taut shoulder blades, trying to touch every inch of their skin together. The contact was addictive; Minato wished he could cherish every part of the other boy, but he knew there wasn’t time. It would be midnight soon.

”Move,” Minato urged, rocking his hips up into Ryoji again. Ryoji’s hand tightened in the sheets next to Minato’s shoulder, but he complied. Ryoji moved as delicately as possible, starting with shallow movements that had Minato squirming, wriggling his hips for more. “Ryoji, _please.”_

”I’m sorry,” Ryoji pulled back from where he had been nuzzling into the crook of the other boys’ neck, “I don’t want this to end too quickly.” Minato noticed the slight tremor in his voice. Minato couldn’t stop his own feelings from bubbling up like a kettle set to boil, his heart suddenly aching with an intensity he hadn’t felt in years.

Minato’s grip on the other boy’s shoulders tightened, using what strength he had to flip them over so Minato was straddling the other boy. The new angle pushed Ryoji deeper into him and he gasped, not expecting the jolt of arousal that shot up his spine. Leisurely, Minato ground down on the other boy, using his grip on Ryoji’s shoulders to keep his trembling legs steady. Ryoji groaned, one hand moving to grip Minato’s waist while the other pulled him in for a kiss.

The pace between them steadily gained traction, and though their movements were sloppy and amateur, Minato could feel the wind being punched out of him with every roll of Ryoji’s hips to meet his own. Minato buried his face in the other boy’s neck, refused to look at him because then it would be _real,_ then he’d have to face what was really going on here. The stupid, incessant truth was pounding in his head, through every cell in his body, like a million alarm bells going off at once. But the sensation of the other boy inside him, the sweet pleasure rolling through his body in waves, the heady smell of sex slowly permeating the air was enough of a buffer to urge Minato further, throwing back his head as a moan was ripped from his throat.

Who cares if the others heard. Who cares if he was fraternizing with “the enemy”. Who cares about tomorrow.

_Who cares about anything at all._

The apathy quickly simmered into something deeper, something that buzzed in his skull and made him want to curl up and die. Something bitter and angry, something mirthful that reminded Minato that this was more of a punishment than a gift. That being able to feel so vulnerable and euphoric with this boy was a one-time deal that would sever them forever in only a few more hours. That he was deeply, unintentionally, and passionately in love with Ryoji and that would be his undoing. Minato focused on the heat in his belly rather than the softness of Ryoji’s pale skin and the depths of his eyes, trying vainly to drown out the other boy’s presence with pleasure. But without Ryoji, what was the point of this? Without Ryoji, would this be pleasurable at all? He thrust his hips down harder, faster, letting his nails drag on his shoulders as he rode him with abandon, but it wasn’t _enough,_ nothing was enough to drown out this feeling. He needed _more,_ needed something to take this edge off, something to tell his brain to just _shut the fuck up--_

”Minato.” Ryoji’s voice snapped him out of his haze. The other boy’s hands were both pressed into his hips, effectively stopping him from moving. The touch wasn’t harsh or forceful, but grounding. Once Ryoji was sure Minato had calmed down, he moved a hand from his hip to tilt the boy’s face to look at him. Minato’s eyes wandered, but Ryoji cupped his face and ran his thumb across his cheek. Minato registered wetness being spread across his cheeks and oh, _fuck,_ he was crying.

”Minato,” Ryoji repeated, “You don’t have to do this.”

”I want to,” Minato insisted, his voice breaking.

”But you’re unhappy.”

”No,” Minato couldn’t help but let out a wry laugh, wiping numbly at his face, “I’m too happy. That’s the problem.”

Ryoji’s eyes turned downcast with understanding, letting out a shaky sigh as he brought the other boy close to him. Their chests were flush against each other, scorching skin-on-skin. Minato couldn’t stop a sob from wracking his body, curling into the other boy. Ryoji rubbed smaller circles on his back, nuzzling into his midnight hair and trying hard to fight off the sorrow boiling in his own stomach.

It was his own fault this was happening. He couldn’t afford to wallow in self-pity; not when the only person who had ever meant anything to him was crying at his own expense. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve Minato in the slightest and yet the intimacy of their position-- of being able to hold him so close he could hear his heartbeat and feel the warmth radiating off of his skin-- was an addiction Ryoji couldn’t kick no matter how heavy the guilt. He had time to feel that guilt later. But for now, Minato was what mattered.

”My dear, you think too much.” Ryoji muttered, kissing the boys head, “I know it’s hard. If you want to stop, I need to know. But I want to take care of you. Make you happy while I still can. Before…” Ryoji stopped, swallowing the lump in his throat. _Don’t think about it._ “Regardless, I want to make you feel good for now. Can I do that? I need you to tell me what you want.”

Minato pulled away, teary eyes looking up at the other boy. Ryoji’s heart clenched at the sight.

”I want this. I want to be with you.”

As if to punctuate this, Minato cupped the other boys face in his hands and pulled him in for a kiss, running deft hands through his dark hair. Ryoji savored the softness, the delicate glide of their lips together. Their actions were numbered, after all. But in another world there would be millions of these. Millions of kisses, billions of touches, trillions of moments spent in each others company. There would be a future ahead of them both; a path for them to walk hand-in-hand. There would be no hesitation, no fear, no obstacles they couldn’t handle together. Ryoji had the firm belief they were soulmates, after all. _If only the way they were bonded had been different._

But this wasn’t another world. This was here and now, and the idea of another time and another place was redundant. So Ryoji steadied his grip on the other boy and flipped them back to their former position, the friction between them once again reminding him of his arousal and the feeling of the other boy around him. Minato must have felt it, too, squirming underneath Ryoji in a silent command for him to move. Ryoji obliged happily, delicately rocking his hips. He let his body all but drape over the other boy, needing the feel of their skin flush against one another, lavishing Minato’s neck with open mouthed kisses as he moved, feeling the flutter of his frantic heartbeat under his lips and tongue.

”I’ve thought about this a lot,” Ryoji admitted, hot breath ghosting the skin of Minato’s neck. “Thought about what you would look like when you’re being touched. How good you’d feel. How sweet you’d taste.” Minato groaned low and needy, sharply thrusting his hips to meet the other boy’s movements. “It’s better than anything I could have hoped for. You’re so wonderful, love.”

Minato was overwhelmed with the attention; the intimacy, the tenderness, the endearment that bloomed behind his ribcage like his heart was a flower in the middle of spring. Even during sex Ryoji couldn’t stop running his mouth, and Minato felt like he was going to positively melt under the sugary sweet words of affection. He kissed Ryoji like he was a lifeline, like he wanted to drink the ichor hidden behind his teeth. The heat continued to pool in his core, keening when Ryoji gave a particularly hard thrust. He could feel blood rushing in his ears, drowning out the universe around them. Two pawns hanging in suspension, free from their cruel game of fate if just for a moment. All that existed was Ryoji’s lips on his skin, his dexterous fingers roaming the plains of his body, the way he made him feel whole with each glide of his hips. Minato wished he could vocalize his thoughts, wished he could tell Ryoji how he felt, but all he could manage were soft whimpers and pleas for more. What he couldn’t say he made up for in actions, and the look of reverence in Ryoji’s eyes assured him that he understood.

”You look so pretty, darling,” Ryoji practically purred, “So good. You’re like an angel.” Minato could feel their rhythm turning sloppy as both of them neared their climax, much to Minato’s chagrin. He wished this could go on forever. To feel airy and carefree in the arms of the other boy, full to the brim with heat and tensed nerves. It was a good tension-- the perfect balance of being strung out and lax at the same time.

“You’re my angel. The most beautiful being in the universe. _God,”_ Ryoji’s voice hitched, “You don’t understand what you do to me. I was destined to meet you; destined to _love_ you.” Ryoji was babbling, arms trembling with exhaustion as his thrusts became more urgent, hitting home with every single movement. Minato could feel tears on his cheeks again, but under different pretense this time. “You hold my heart in your hands. It’s yours, Minato. I’m yours. I’ll always be yours.”

The words shook Minato to the bone, the heat in his belly growing in that familiar way again.

”I love you,” Ryoji gasped, “I love you, _I love you--”_

He repeated it like a mantra, as if the words would heal their wounds, glue their broken pieces together. As if it would stop time, stop fate.

”I love you,” Minato breathed, “I love you, Ryoji.” Every touch of their skin had him in flames, pleasure mounting in every part of his body until he was drawn taut with it, ready to snap. “I’m close, _Ryoji--”_

”I’ve got you, darling. I’ve got you.”

The coil in his stomach released and Minato cried out, stars erupting behind his eyes. Ryoji was close to follow, burying himself deep and groaning into Minato’s shoulder, using what remained of his strength to hold himself up.

When the two came down from their orgasm, reality hit again. Gently, Ryoji pulled out of the other boy, Minato wincing at the sudden emptiness in more ways than one. Ryoji collapsed next to him on the comforter, pale blue eyes glowing in the dim room. His skin was shining with sweat, bangs in disarray and hanging sloppily in his face, shoulders still heaving with effort to regain his breath. He looked luminous.

It had ended too soon, and Minato could feel the despair eating away at him again. He sniffed, trying hard to fight off more tears. This was more than he’d cried in years, more hollow than he’d been since he was a child. The sorrow overpowered him in the end, leaving him hiccuping through his tears, Ryoji moving to wrap his arms around him. Minato let himself be held, face pressed into the other boy’s bare torso, cheeks sticky with tears. There was no afterglow, no contented smiles. Only the humid air in the room and the wetness between his legs, serving as a reminder for what had only just transpired.

”I’m sorry,” Ryoji whispered, running his hand through Minato’s dark hair, “I’m so sorry.”

Minato didn’t want apologies. He wanted to wake up with the other boy next to him. To be able to return to school like nothing was happening, to go on summer trips and spend nights up late talking, for things to be _normal._ He wanted to scream and kick and cry, fight with teeth and claws and dig the maliciousness from this lifetime, break the universe into pieces and put them together again like a stained glass window, an image of a world where there was no suffering. He wanted to pull Ryoji closer, beg him to stay the night by his side, even though they both knew it was impossible. He wanted to push Ryoji away, loathe him for saying he loved him, collapse in on himself and dig out those flowers growing in his chest. He wanted to curl up and die, bury himself in the ground six feet under and rot with the rich loam of the Earth, recycle his pieces and sprout into something new, something that could survive the harsh rot of the world.

”I’m sorry, too.”


End file.
